It’s been a while since I last posted on here. It wasn’t accidental or anything; I’ve intentionally avoided it. I’ve struggled to see the value in this blog so wasn’t motivated to work on it. My mates encouraged me to revisit it so recently I’ve tried to get in touch with my original intention in starting out. I made it quite clear from the start that I was writing primarily for myself: 1) to hone my writing skills and 2) to express those inner parts of myself that tend to be so elusive.
It was the second part that I found most intimidating. Since I quit my last job in February I’ve experienced several radical changes in my life and have been confronted with my arch-nemesis: myself. During such turbulent times, it’s crucial that one regularly takes a step back to breathe, observe and simply acknowledge one’s circumstances. Frequent self-evaluation is vital.
What I have done is a lot of internal dialogue: debating things in my own mind and coming to my own conclusions, regardless of how irrational they may be to any other mind. I’ve rarely taken the time to get my thoughts on paper: those times I did, I found it relieving and insightful. Nevertheless, I’ve found myself avoiding such activities, even though I know that they’re healthy for me. It’s funny how we avoid doing the things we know to be healthy for us: in my experience, it’s because I begin to identify so strongly with my negative thought patterns that I become almost synonymous with them. My ego sees healthy activities as a threat to such a major part of itself.
I feel ready to confront those inner parts of myself now, and as such I can definitely see the value in keeping up with this blog. I’ll be posting at least once a week from now on until the summer – watch this space 😉
Goodnight,
Beni